I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
