It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
