So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
