You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
