I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
