Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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