Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
