WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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