Your tits are I can't wait for
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
