my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He shit in the fireplace
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
