I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
