My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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