she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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