the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
