im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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