think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
