cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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