Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
