shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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