I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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