i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
