You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
