Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
