I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
