You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
