he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
