i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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