I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
