3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
