end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
