I can text with my tongue
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
