According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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