I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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