If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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