So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
