this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
