My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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