The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
