Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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