I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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