Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
