You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
