i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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