he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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