I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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