when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
