Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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