atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
