What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
