well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
